The Physical: 10 Reasons Why Conferences are Stone Age

< rant > (This is a warning people…)

Ok. So it is the time of year for Defcon again … which got me thinking about speaking in general and conferences. I LOVE conferences for the party, hang out aspect of them… but the concept of it being a place where information is obsorbed is completely stupid. Conferences are for networking, drinking and generally getting away from the wife and kids guilt free under the guise of business… which is TOTALLY COOL, but they need to be called what they are. Infact, I think the speaking aspect of the conference should be removed all together and done in a whole new method.. so here we go.
This is the age of high bandwidth, video conferencing, vidcasts, podcasts, chat rooms, wikis and web apps out the butt. So, INSTEAD, we gather everyone in a room with one projector, crappy chairs and shotty internet and force them to listen to a speaker drone on for hours. Lets break down why doing this over the internet is a better idea:

1) I can sit in my own chair with air conditioning/or heat (aka comfortable) in my underwear… but guess what… my comments and input are taken unbiased and my gender, what I look like or what “equipment I am packing” doesn’t taint my view. You would be blind to not realize that alot of the newest and greatest things coming off the internet (and technology) are invented by dirty kids in their basements who can barely afford conference prices let alone air plane tickets and hotel room. I personally want to hear what those kids are saying. Sounds like a environment more conducive to sharing and productivity to me.

2) Noone is paying rental space or insurance for me to be there. The money for the conference (assuming there is a charge) can go to the speakers and bandwidth (which partially I would be footing the bill for just having an ISP)… mmmm bitorrent… . More money means better speakers… better speakers means a better conference.

3) I can communicate with my collegues or everyone in the whole conference while the speach is going… I have fast internet to look up things as the speaker is doing them, I could join a channel to read public chatter, I could have my own private channel for my co-workers to talk about what he is saying applies to us or even just have a chatroom with my friends to talk about how douchy the presenter is. (I am just gonna do that later anyway). Smoother flow… Attendees can communicate with speakers easily.. no more “I will be in the lobby afterwards for questions”, a voting system could be put up to ask the speaker a question and the moderator could approve and perhaps even voted by other attendees to be asked to the presenter during Q&A so we can get what we want asked and the dumb ass moron who has some weirdo shit to say doesn’t monopolize all the time.

4) I can get up and pee without drawing attention to myself. A mechanism for a “pause” button for the video would allow me the freedom of going to pick up my kid and return for the rest of the speech.. you know… work to live, not live to work. Of course this isn’t real time and I would miss out on the chat rooms, forum boards and such that were live during the speech, but I could read a log of them.

5) If the speaker sucks I can leave guilt free… and if enough people leave the speaker and STFU and we can all save some time.

6) Less crappy conference room equipment… a better experience. No more shitty projects and crap PA systems… Everyone is sitting front row

7) Set time limits… The conference never has to end… I don’t “go home” loosing touch with the cool people I talked to.. I immediately add them to my IM and we continue conversing… Conference ends Sunday? Hells no… Wednesday we are still talking.
More conferences because it doesn’t interupt my life as much. I can go to one a week because I don’t have to pack or travel or whatever… I can be back to business/family 10 seconds after I am done.

9) Speaker content can be hot off the press because I don’t need a physical hand out to follow along with. Nothing needs to be printed weeks ahead of time… something new and hot was brought up last night on digg? It can be in the speach. Again, saving me more money on physical crap that I just ditch at the hotel.

10) Conferences can be larger/smaller/on demand – no hotel space needs renting or insurance purchasing… want to start a conference with 1 speaker for 10 attendees about some bizzarre topic? Can do. Want the WORLD to be involved? Can do. Have some material and want to present it to the world? Can do.

Create geek gatherings in different areas and make them what they really are… people that go to these things for these purposes are really just geeky marketing people anyways … I know you don’t want to admit it, but you are. I am not going to fuck anyone I meet at a conference. The only reason why I need to be with you is to fuck you. I can even drink with your virtually with a web cam… I can talk to you on the phone for hours… unless we are exchanging fluids there is no reason I need to actually be with you.

I know all you conference goers will disagree, but that is because you just like getting away from your life .. and I am all for that… but call it what it is and say “I am going to hang out with people because I need the hell away from my life for a bit”. Meetups are great for this.

< / rant>

You may not return to your regular scheduled programming… you now need to go do something with your life.